God Works In Mysterious Ways

Rather than doing the piles and piles of homework I really should be doing, I've decided to blog instead. : )

This last week we had two big things happen! At least, they were big to me. Aiden turned 5 months last Thursday, which also happens to be my little sister's birthday! I can't believe how fast the time has gone! He's all of a sudden this little person that I share my dinner with and thinks I'm just about the coolest thing since ice cream (and he REALLY likes ice cream). It's so incredible to me that he's my little boy. 

Tonight I'm feeling extra thankful for him. A friend of mine just found out last night that she had lost her pregnancy. I lost 2 babies before I finally got pregnant with and carried my little boy. Losing those babies was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to experience, and I didn't know what to do. I remember sobbing in my dad's arms the night I lost the second one that I just wanted my baby. It's incredible how quickly the bond forms between a mother and an unborn child. It's almost instantaneous, and it never goes away. Every day it gets stronger, especially after they're actually born. 

The biggest lesson I learned through going through that experience was that Heavenly Father had a plan for me. He always had a bigger plan for me than I had for myself, and it was all in His hands and His timing, as much as I hated that concept at the time. When I lost the first one, I mostly shut down inside. I never really dealt with it or talked about it much. People would ask how I was doing and in my head I'd be screaming at them "How the hell do you think I'm doing?!" I got pretty depressed, although I didn't realize it until later. With the second one, I think I almost expected it. Like, well of course I'm going to lose this one too. That one I dealt with a little better. I sobbed and sobbed, and talked about it a little bit more, and relied on my Father in Heaven a lot more. It gave me a very strong testimony of the power of prayer, and pretty much necessitated that I have faith that He would carry me through it. I remember thinking constantly that I was broken somehow.

It took me 6 months to get pregnant again. I was afraid it wouldn't happen, and again, it was another of those in God's hands things. As soon as we got our foster kid, a couple weeks later we found out I was pregnant again. This time it stuck, if you will. It was a scary first 4 or 5 months, actually until it was a viable pregnancy and could survive outside, I was nervous and scared. 

Now that Aiden is here, I can't believe how incredible and amazing it is to be a mom. To have that baby look up at me with such trust and love in his eyes, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. I love to just lay next to him and talk to him and play. He's so fantastic! I didn't mean to go so much into things, but my miscarriages were on my mind after my friend just had hers. God works in mysterious ways, that's for sure. 

This was taken when he was 2 weeks old, so it's not recent, but it's one of my favorite pictures of him. : )